It occurred to me today that in just over two months it will be exactly one year since I decided to go primal. While I've learned a lot about what healthy eating and living is, I've found it hard to put into practice. What's been most surprising to me is how easy things were initially, and then, once I'd fallen off the wagon, how hard it was to get things back on track.
Thinking about it, I should probably be more surprised at how easy I found things initially, rather than how hard it was to pick up the pieces when it all fell apart. Thinking about it, I've been trying to undo eating and living habits that have been formed over 30 years, and it's not something that I'll be able to undo overnight. So, the challenge for me now is to try and get back to where I was early last year, when I was eating primally, and losing weight steadily.
I've tried to start with small steps, reaching some small, achievable goals, which will hopefully lead to achieving the harder goals. Goal number one was to stop indulging in the fund-raiser chocolates at work. At the end of today it will be one week since I last had any, a small goal, but one that was harder than I anticipated.
My next goal will be to try and curb the amount of junk food I have at our regular gaming sessions. This one is harder, because there's typically a bag of chips or lollies open on the table, sitting in front of me. Tonight's challenge is to say no to the crap, and stick with small amounts of 70% cocoa chocolate when I do get the urge to indulge.
The next goal I have is to cut stop buying non-primal food at the super market. I'm fully expecting this to be tough, because it's so easy to think "Damn, I can't be bothered cooking, let's grab some cheese kranskies and rolls, and have them to eat." I have two rolls to eat today, which I intend to be the last wheat based rolls I eat. If I can find a suitable primal alternative for bread, well and good, but I think the easiest solution is actually going to be just giving it up completely.
On a positive note, I've found an excellent alternative to pasta (one thing, along with bread, that Ive found hard to live without). I've seen several references to using zucchini as a replacement for pasta. I have to admit, I've been skeptical about it, but last night I finally decided to give it a try.
The hardest part about using zucchini as a pasta replacement is the preparation. In order to be a successful replacement, the zucchini needs to be cut into thin strips. Rather than mess around with a knife, I used a vegetable peeler, which did a great job of making some nice thin strips of zucchini. In the end, the preparation wasn't so much difficult, as more time consuming than I expected.
The zucchini noodles don't need to be cooked long. Boil them for a minute, then run them under cold water to stop them cooking. After that, simply drain, and toss the sauce through the zucchini and server. The heat of the sauce is enough to make the zucchini a good temperature for eating.
I made a carbonara sauce to go with the zucchini last night, and I have to say, aside from being a bit runny (I'm a bit out of practice making carbonara sauce), it was fantastic. I was a bit worried the zucchini would taste strange, but it wasn't the case at all. This one is definitely a permanent addition to the recipe book.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Dealing with the "Tough Stuff"
Finding words to express your emotions in certain situations is hard. Admitting to your faults and putting your bad habits into words is harder.
So, I'm going to try an experiment. It's easy to think about where I go wrong and tell select people your amazing insights into your failings as a human being. But when the going gets tough, it's too easy to hide the habits in your house where no-one can watch you fall. What I'm talking about is eating your emotions.
Did you know that emotional eating and/or binge eating is almost as prevalent in our society today as anorexia or bulimia. It's medically considered to be an eating disorder all to itself. And I have suffered from it for as long as I can remember.
With our wedding fast approaching, I feel the pressure more than ever and it's constantly being brought to my attention that surely I want to lose weight so I look beautiful on my wedding day. To my ears, all I hear is that if I don't lose the weight, I'm going to be the fattest, ugliest bride ever.
And so starts the merry-go-round.
Before christmas, we were doing really well following a primal lifestyle. I felt healthier and happier and even lost a couple of kilos.
After christmas, a crushing blow was delivered to our household, and, if I'm honest, I kind of fell apart - just a little. And, as I did all through my childhood, I have blamed myself and taken on the guilt. Which is always how my downfall begins. I start to eat my guilt and shame.
For the last 6 weeks or so, I have felt the pressure building on my shoulders that I haven't been the girlfriend/fiancee I should be. I haven't been the friend or daughter or sister I should be. I have started to feel like I have alienated the few friends that I have and am scared that my behaviour could drive my man away. I feel like the control that I previously had over my life has disappeared and it scares me more than words can say.
My fiance has been beyond amazing. He tells me that I am beautiful and that he loves me no matter what I weigh. But a lifetime of never feeling good enough seems to be a barrier to me believing this. I constantly feel that I do not deserve the amazing man by my side and that he is too good for me unless I weigh substantially less. That unless I weigh a certain number and wear a certain size, one day my fiancee will eventually find someone who does fit that description and, goodbye, he's gone, because obviously the other woman deserved him more than me.
I want to get back to the me that existed just months ago, but am finding the execution of the desire almost impossible. The self-control I had seems to have vanished and I can't find it anywhere.
And while it probably seems like I'm spinning and am unable to run a coherent sentence, I decided to try something today - putting my problem into words and facing the fear of putting my issue out into the world and embracing my shortcomings.
So here goes - when I feel that I am losing or have lost control of my life or my current situation, I eat my feelings of shame and guilt. I would rather believe that I do not deserve any happiness or success in my life, rather that I only deserve a life of struggles and unhappiness. When I eat things that I shouldn't, I know I don't need to eat it, but I don't know how to stop raising my hand from the packet or the plate to my mouth. I go to the supermarket and I know that I don't feel like the bad stuff and even though my head is screaming that I don't want it or need it, I still pick it up and put it in my basket or trolley. And the cycle just goes around and around.
For probably the first time in my life, I am feeling brave enough to admit (to a certain degree) publicly that the pressure of being thin, being perfect and being in control is taking its toll and I'm struggling to work past it. I certainly don't want to pass these habits onto my children. I want to be able to provide my kids with an example of how to live a healthy life but actually being able to live that example is proving to be the ultimate challenge. I want to be a woman that my fiancee is proud to walk beside in the street and introduce to his friends. I want my fiancee to look at me and think that he is the luckiest man in the world.
I don't have a magic solution or answer (though I would love one) but I guess if we didn't go through the struggle, we wouldn't grow (emotionally, not physically) as people.
How do you find the motivation to just stop???
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Learning From Mistakes... Tho'arigjae[origj
Well, it's been just over two weeks since I completed my plan of action for 2011, and I've taken to opportunity to look back at how I've done so far this year. The answer to that question is plain and simple: crap. While the year started out promising, a personal crisis swiftly led to things falling apart in a big way.
My Fiancé and myself had some big issues to face, and it turns out it was far too easy for healthy living to take a back seat. To be fair, at the time neither of us were in a fit state to even think about cooking, let alone cooking healthy food, and we survived on pizza and fish and chips for a week. In hindsight, I've learned a few valuable lessons from the experience.
First and foremost, having gone back to old eating habits, it really hit home just how crappy I feel eating crap food. No big surprise there, but I couldn't understand how I'd lived for years, thinking that was the normal way to feel. The realisation that it's possible to feel a lot healthier, and the contrast between how I feel eating well and eating crap has made me determined to eat better from now on.
The next major lesson to be learnt is how easy it is for things to fall to pieces. Now while I'm not beating myself up for the lapse, I do think that I need to learn from this. There is always the chance that something bad will happen, and that eating healthy will again be the least important thing I'm worrying about.
So, the thing I need to do is come up with some way of making sure that eating healthy is as easy as possible. My current thinking is to be better prepared, by preparing a week's food in advance, so that preparation time later is greatly reduced. It's a hell of a lot easier to grab a packet of vegetables from the freezer and defrost them than it is to cut them up when you're stressed out and worrying.
The idea could even be extended to preparing entire meals and freezing them, so that all we need to do is re-heat them. The lure of pizza and the like will be greatly reduced if it's even easier to prepare a healthy meal. I guess it all comes down to preparation, and as they say, failing to prepare is preparing to fail. Now's the time to make sure I prepare for success instead.
My Fiancé and myself had some big issues to face, and it turns out it was far too easy for healthy living to take a back seat. To be fair, at the time neither of us were in a fit state to even think about cooking, let alone cooking healthy food, and we survived on pizza and fish and chips for a week. In hindsight, I've learned a few valuable lessons from the experience.
First and foremost, having gone back to old eating habits, it really hit home just how crappy I feel eating crap food. No big surprise there, but I couldn't understand how I'd lived for years, thinking that was the normal way to feel. The realisation that it's possible to feel a lot healthier, and the contrast between how I feel eating well and eating crap has made me determined to eat better from now on.
The next major lesson to be learnt is how easy it is for things to fall to pieces. Now while I'm not beating myself up for the lapse, I do think that I need to learn from this. There is always the chance that something bad will happen, and that eating healthy will again be the least important thing I'm worrying about.
So, the thing I need to do is come up with some way of making sure that eating healthy is as easy as possible. My current thinking is to be better prepared, by preparing a week's food in advance, so that preparation time later is greatly reduced. It's a hell of a lot easier to grab a packet of vegetables from the freezer and defrost them than it is to cut them up when you're stressed out and worrying.
The idea could even be extended to preparing entire meals and freezing them, so that all we need to do is re-heat them. The lure of pizza and the like will be greatly reduced if it's even easier to prepare a healthy meal. I guess it all comes down to preparation, and as they say, failing to prepare is preparing to fail. Now's the time to make sure I prepare for success instead.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
The Plan For 2011...
Following on from yesterday's post on Marks Daily Apple, today's post is all about planning for 2011. The first part of the planning process is to identify three specific goals for the year. The next step is to plan how to achieve these goals from the short term, through longer times (today, this week and this quarter).
As I sat down to think about my goals for this year, I found that I had trouble picking just 3. There is so much that I want to achieve, so clearly, my best plan of attack will be to pick 3 goals that will make achieving my other goals easier in future. To start with, what I want to achieve this year, in broad terms:
1) Switch to eating almost 100% primal.
2) Get my weight below 80kg, as a long term goal. In the short term, I'd be happy with 2kg a month.
3) Get fit again. This is such a broad goal that I really need to determine more specific goals:
3.1) Reach Level 4 on each of the Primal Fitness "Lift Heavy Things" exercises.
3.2) Be able to run at least 1km without struggling.
3.3) Improve my race times for MTB racing.
So, having listed what I want to achieve for the year, I need to pick the three goals that will be the most beneficial. it's been said that body composition is 80% determined by diet, so my number 1 goal for the year is to try and eat primal as close 100% of the time as possible. I'll still allow myself some slack, although rather than the 20% leeway allowed normally, I'll restrict this to 10%, and only when I'm in a situation that doesn't allow for primal eating (i.e. eating at someone else's house).
My other two goals will be fitness related, and both tie into the Primal Blueprint Fitness plan. My overall aim for the year is to improve my fitness for MTB racing. I'm going to give myself two goals to achieve for this. The first is to achieve level 4 on each of the "Lift Heavy Things" exercises. My second goal will be to ensure I do a sprint workout every week.
So, now comes the hard part. How will I achieve each of these three goals? What will I do today, this week and this quarter to achieve the things that I want to achieve?
Goal 1 - Cut out non-primal foods from my diet:
Today: I will say no to the left over deserts and junk food from Christmas and New Years.
This Week: I will make sure that I eat a salad of some description each day.
This Quarter: I will say no to sugary snacks at work, and will say no to chips and soft drink during RPG sessions.
Goal 2 - Achieve Level 4 on each "Lift Heavy Things" exercise in the Primal Fitness guide:
Today: I will plan out my workout schedule for the next quarter, so that I am able to commit to doing the workouts I need.
This Week: I will make sure that I am up early enough to perform my Lift Heavy Things workout before I go to work.
This Quarter: I will commit to doing two Lift Heavy Things workouts each week.
Goal 3 - One sprint workout each week:
Today: As for Goal 2, today I will make a schedule, to ensure that I can commit to one sprint a week.
This Week: I will do the first of my weekly sprints.
This Quarter: I will sprint each week, trying to increase the level of sprint slightly each week.
Having done all of that, there's now one step left, probably the hardest step of all. I now need to act on what I've written down here, and make sure I achieve my three goals. Looking back, it seems strange that I've not included weight loss as a goal, but perhaps that's for the best. I've struggled in the past trying to keep to weight loss goals, as it's far too easy for me to be discouraged, and give up. Hopefully, with the 3 goals that I've chosen, the weight loss will happen any way, and I don't have to worry about it.
As I sat down to think about my goals for this year, I found that I had trouble picking just 3. There is so much that I want to achieve, so clearly, my best plan of attack will be to pick 3 goals that will make achieving my other goals easier in future. To start with, what I want to achieve this year, in broad terms:
1) Switch to eating almost 100% primal.
2) Get my weight below 80kg, as a long term goal. In the short term, I'd be happy with 2kg a month.
3) Get fit again. This is such a broad goal that I really need to determine more specific goals:
3.1) Reach Level 4 on each of the Primal Fitness "Lift Heavy Things" exercises.
3.2) Be able to run at least 1km without struggling.
3.3) Improve my race times for MTB racing.
So, having listed what I want to achieve for the year, I need to pick the three goals that will be the most beneficial. it's been said that body composition is 80% determined by diet, so my number 1 goal for the year is to try and eat primal as close 100% of the time as possible. I'll still allow myself some slack, although rather than the 20% leeway allowed normally, I'll restrict this to 10%, and only when I'm in a situation that doesn't allow for primal eating (i.e. eating at someone else's house).
My other two goals will be fitness related, and both tie into the Primal Blueprint Fitness plan. My overall aim for the year is to improve my fitness for MTB racing. I'm going to give myself two goals to achieve for this. The first is to achieve level 4 on each of the "Lift Heavy Things" exercises. My second goal will be to ensure I do a sprint workout every week.
So, now comes the hard part. How will I achieve each of these three goals? What will I do today, this week and this quarter to achieve the things that I want to achieve?
Goal 1 - Cut out non-primal foods from my diet:
Today: I will say no to the left over deserts and junk food from Christmas and New Years.
This Week: I will make sure that I eat a salad of some description each day.
This Quarter: I will say no to sugary snacks at work, and will say no to chips and soft drink during RPG sessions.
Goal 2 - Achieve Level 4 on each "Lift Heavy Things" exercise in the Primal Fitness guide:
Today: I will plan out my workout schedule for the next quarter, so that I am able to commit to doing the workouts I need.
This Week: I will make sure that I am up early enough to perform my Lift Heavy Things workout before I go to work.
This Quarter: I will commit to doing two Lift Heavy Things workouts each week.
Goal 3 - One sprint workout each week:
Today: As for Goal 2, today I will make a schedule, to ensure that I can commit to one sprint a week.
This Week: I will do the first of my weekly sprints.
This Quarter: I will sprint each week, trying to increase the level of sprint slightly each week.
Having done all of that, there's now one step left, probably the hardest step of all. I now need to act on what I've written down here, and make sure I achieve my three goals. Looking back, it seems strange that I've not included weight loss as a goal, but perhaps that's for the best. I've struggled in the past trying to keep to weight loss goals, as it's far too easy for me to be discouraged, and give up. Hopefully, with the 3 goals that I've chosen, the weight loss will happen any way, and I don't have to worry about it.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Time for Reflection.
It's been a while since I've posted here. To be honest, over the last couple of months, I've been slipping in following the Primal Blueprint. I've still been trying to be good, but I've not been exercising, and have been taking the easy way out when it comes to food.
Today's post at Mark's Daily Apple, got me thinking about what I've achieved since discovering the Primal Blueprint, and what I had hoped to achieve. As Mark suggested, I've decided to sit down, and write down exactly what went right for me, what didn't go right, and ways of building from what I've achieved so far.
So, to start off, my achievements since May:
- The realisation that my previous diet was not working, and needed to change for me to become healthier
- Obtaining the knowledge I needed about food and diet to allow me to eat healthier.
- Finding a fitness plan that I can fit into my lifestyle, which would not leave me dreading the thought of working out.
- Losing weight, without any of the struggles that I would normally go through.
All of these achievements come down to one thing: having a ready source of information and support, courtesy of Mark's Daily Apple, and the forums there.
Now, it's time to look at what didn't go so well. Last year certainly had its share of ups and downs. My initial success following the Primal Blueprint was tempered by slipping back into old, bad habits. So, here's what went wrong:
- Not eating according to the Primal Blueprint
- Not persevering with exercising.
Several things went wrong last year to cause both of those problems. My slip back to bad eating habits started innocently enough at work, one day, when I decided that after months of avoiding all chocolate, except for dark chocolate with 70% cocoa or greater, to have one of the fund raising chocolates at work. It was like one little pebble rolling down a hill had started a land slide.
After that, I found it near impossible to continue to avoid the bad stuff. The worst bit is, I knew I should be able to do it, after all, I'd been doing it for several months. But, I found the second attempt so much harder than the first.
The one other reason I can see for slipping back into bad habits comes down to one thing: taking the easy way out. There were plenty of times, after a crappy day at work, that we chose not to cook something healthy, and instead we got take away food. The worst part was, each time we did this, I found it harder to go back to healthier eating choices.
I also did myself no favours by putting myself in situations where it was easy to eat the wrong kinds of food. I play RPGs two or three times a month, and it's normal for these sessions to be fuelled by soft drink and junk food. I've always tried to ensure I had plenty of healthy snacks available, but after 4 or 5 hours sat staring at the bag of M&Ms, it gets very hard to refuse them.
I guess one thing to bear in mind is that, all things considered, last year wasn't actually a bad year for me. I found a healthier way of living, one which makes it easier for me to lose weight and get fit again. So, the challenge now is to take all of this into consideration, and find a way to be more successful in the coming year.
Today's post at Mark's Daily Apple, got me thinking about what I've achieved since discovering the Primal Blueprint, and what I had hoped to achieve. As Mark suggested, I've decided to sit down, and write down exactly what went right for me, what didn't go right, and ways of building from what I've achieved so far.
So, to start off, my achievements since May:
- The realisation that my previous diet was not working, and needed to change for me to become healthier
- Obtaining the knowledge I needed about food and diet to allow me to eat healthier.
- Finding a fitness plan that I can fit into my lifestyle, which would not leave me dreading the thought of working out.
- Losing weight, without any of the struggles that I would normally go through.
All of these achievements come down to one thing: having a ready source of information and support, courtesy of Mark's Daily Apple, and the forums there.
Now, it's time to look at what didn't go so well. Last year certainly had its share of ups and downs. My initial success following the Primal Blueprint was tempered by slipping back into old, bad habits. So, here's what went wrong:
- Not eating according to the Primal Blueprint
- Not persevering with exercising.
Several things went wrong last year to cause both of those problems. My slip back to bad eating habits started innocently enough at work, one day, when I decided that after months of avoiding all chocolate, except for dark chocolate with 70% cocoa or greater, to have one of the fund raising chocolates at work. It was like one little pebble rolling down a hill had started a land slide.
After that, I found it near impossible to continue to avoid the bad stuff. The worst bit is, I knew I should be able to do it, after all, I'd been doing it for several months. But, I found the second attempt so much harder than the first.
The one other reason I can see for slipping back into bad habits comes down to one thing: taking the easy way out. There were plenty of times, after a crappy day at work, that we chose not to cook something healthy, and instead we got take away food. The worst part was, each time we did this, I found it harder to go back to healthier eating choices.
I also did myself no favours by putting myself in situations where it was easy to eat the wrong kinds of food. I play RPGs two or three times a month, and it's normal for these sessions to be fuelled by soft drink and junk food. I've always tried to ensure I had plenty of healthy snacks available, but after 4 or 5 hours sat staring at the bag of M&Ms, it gets very hard to refuse them.
I guess one thing to bear in mind is that, all things considered, last year wasn't actually a bad year for me. I found a healthier way of living, one which makes it easier for me to lose weight and get fit again. So, the challenge now is to take all of this into consideration, and find a way to be more successful in the coming year.
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